Apr. 19th, 2008

Which sounds better:

a: My ex-husband was severely abusive. He would beat me up, mercilessly, then as I was on my way out the door, he would apologize, swear to get help, and proclaim undying love for me. I believed him, every time; it's not my fault he lied. He should have kept his promises to get help. Besides, I was in a bad position to get out. There was no way my job would cover living alone, and I didn't know anyone. There was NOTHING I could do. It was NOT my fault he abused me. He was a liar who shouldn't have been doing it in the first place.

or

b: My ex-husband was severely abusive. He would beat me up, mercilessly, then as I was on my way out the door, he would apologize, swear to get help, and proclaim undying love for him. I believed him, every time; which was rather dumb of me after the first few times. I was in a really bad position to leave him, but I didn't even bother to look at my options until I had no choice. He was a liar who shouldn't have been hitting me in the first place, but honestly: what did I expect? He made it clear he wasn't going to change. So I had to take steps to stop it myself.

Those two paragraphs are almost the exact same length. However, one is a whiny bitchfest disclaiming personal responsibility. The other acknowledges personal responsibility while condemning his actions.

Why is it what people always assume that, if you point out ANYTHING in b to them, that you're blaming them for the abuse? No dear. It's not about blame at that point. It's about the fact that THEY aren't going to change. Should they? Hell yes, but it's NOT going to happen.

"As I climb onto your back, I will promise not to sting
I will tell you what you want to hear and not mean anything
Then I treat you like a dog as I shoot my venom in
You pretend you didn't know that I am a scorpion"
-Scorpion, Megadeth

That's what it basically boils down to. That's an abuser's attitude. It's your fault for putting up with it. Well, no, it's NOT your fault because you put up with it. But if you want it to stop, you CANNOT put up with it. DO SOMETHING about your situation. Don't sit there and cry because he does that kid of shit.

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November 2010

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