May. 19th, 2008

Hn...

May. 19th, 2008 09:25 pm
It seems that I'm getting more comfortable singing in the alto range and less in soprano. I indulged in a little fantasy that I was spontaneously changing physical gender, kind of like I had when I was a kid. Silly of me, as I'm really singing a falsetto when I'm in the soprano range.

Which is strange, since my speaking voice is HIGH.

Warren's the focal point of my therapy sessions disturbingly often lately, although we were able to finally figure out why I can neither forgive myself nor let it go: I, personally, had NO consequences to my actions. I don't feel like I've suffered enough for what I did. Scott tried to point out that dragging my shame around like a ball and chain causes quite a bit of suffering, and probably more than Warren EVER wanted.

I dunno. I think I deserve to HURT for this. My own guilt isn't enough. I want HIM to do serious damage. I think that's the only way I'm going to ever feel like I deserve to forgive myself, as things stand right now.

Warren hasn't changed much at all over the last couple of years. He wouldn't hurt me in the way I want him to even if he thought I deserved it, and I don't think he does. Which means I've got to figure out how to get rid of the shame on my own.

This sucks.
I've recently seen that "pretentious" is the insult of choice, and I've come to the conclusion that most of the people who use the word just want to use a big word and sound like they're intelligent and NOT just being butthurt about something. Because in the instances where "pretentious" was used, it made NO sense because the person was NOT acting arrogant or trying to claim unwarranted respect or importance.

I haven't said much about the issue, since I didn't have a GOOD example of someone acting pretentious. I do now. Behold:

Asking, in a tone that conveyed walking on eggshells and trying desperately hard to find out why someone has a vendetta against them =/ pretentious. In fact, in this case, the person in question is behaving in the exact opposite way; they're not demanding that the vendetta be dropped, nor are they assuming that the person with the grudge is, say, jealous. They're not assuming to know what they did wrong. They're a little confused, maybe a tad bewildered, and want a clear answer why the grudge is in existence so they can try to make right whatever they did wrong.

This does NOT match the definition of pretentious.

In a debate thread, a person makes a post that's largely irrelevant to the topic. After four or five replies after the off-topic poster's, they quote their own post and demand to know whether everyone's just too ignorant to know the answer to his inquiry, or if everyone would just feel too stupid to admit that he's right.

THAT is pretentious. Here is why: first, he feels that he's ENTITLED to a response. He obviously feels that his response, however off-topic, is not only the only worthwhile one. He also obviously feels that there is absolutely no possible way that he's wrong.

Do we all understand what "pretentious" means now?

(And yes. I'm aware of the irony.)

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